The Mike and Mike Roast

Some sports celebrity roasts are entertaining...like when ESPN 1000 roasted someone truly worth the attention, like Ditka. But the Mike and Mike Roast? Roasting a couple of guys still early in their careers? It was obvious from the start that this was typical ESPN nonsense; little more than a publicity ploy to try to hype a couple of mediocre morning DJs. How pathetic. You just knew it was going to be bad, but apparently it was even worse than that...

• Host (and actual comedian) Jeffrey Ross surveyed the crowd and commented, “This isn’t a who’s who. It’s who didn’t make the playoffs.”

• Fellow ESPN employee & anchor Dana Jacobson “made an absolute fool of herself, swilling vodka from a Belvedere bottle, mumbling along and cursing like a sailor as Mike & Mike rested their heads in their hands in embarrassment.” Jacobson actually got suspended for trashing Notre Dame and oh by the way while she was at it, she trashed Jesus Christ too. Can they please make the suspension permanent?

• Baltimore Ravens safety Ed Reed was also drunk on stage, not reading any of the jokes written for him. Ross replied, “I didn’t realize his middle name was ‘Can’t’.”

• Charlie Weis didn’t even crack any jokes at all, “praising the duo and missing the whole point of the night.” What do you expect from a coach who led Notre Dame to one of their worst seasons ever? The fact that he doesn't get the purpose of a roast....or doesn't seem to get much of anything at all for that matter... seems to be a pattern. Is there a medical procedure that can trade fat cells for brain cells?

• But the best line of the night came courtesy of another actual comedian, Eddie Griffin: "I kind of know my career is over when I’m hired to roast two white guys I never f—ing heard of.”